SUBJECT 01
Department of Imaginary Emergencies
Responding immediately to problems that have not happened, may never happen, and have already been extensively rehearsed in your head.
SOFT PANIC DEPT // AFTER HOURS
A classified seasonal incident has been reported. Three new departments are involved. Details are being withheld for everyone's emotional safety.
SCAN LOGGED · DO NOT PANIC MORE THAN NECESSARY
INTERNAL DOCUMENT // DO NOT CIRCULATE
SUBJECT 01
Responding immediately to problems that have not happened, may never happen, and have already been extensively rehearsed in your head.
SUBJECT 02
Investigating every bump, creak, shuffle, and definitely-normal sound heard after the lights are off.
SUBJECT 03
Managing the sudden silence after an interaction: texts received, messages seen, and absolutely no response ever sent back.
REQUEST EARLY CLEARANCE
Leave your email for first access to the Halloween collection, quiet reveals, and information we are technically not authorized to share yet.
By entering, you agree to receive Soft Panic Dept emails. No actual emergency response services are provided. Unfortunately.